I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
