He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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