New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
