Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
