his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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