It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
