My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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