love makes seman taste better
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
