He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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