he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
