you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
