Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
