just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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