This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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