The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
