I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
