just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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