I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
