maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
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No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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