Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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