playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
