Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
