Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
