You really coming over, don't trick.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
