sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
