I just made out with a guy for $7.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
