you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
