hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize