He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
