She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
