dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
