You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
