My hand turned me down
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
