I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
