You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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