i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
