The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
