i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
