Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
