How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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