id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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