I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
