walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
