matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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