census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
