Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
