I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize