I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
