Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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