These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
