..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
