I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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