That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize