hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
