All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
