I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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