my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
