just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Farmville is her only friend.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
