the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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