I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
