I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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