If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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