all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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