So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
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Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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