September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
