I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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