oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
