Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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