Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
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Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
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Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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