Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
