It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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