dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
