i permit you to call me
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
