I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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