i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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