Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
