A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
