why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i think i have two assholes
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
