You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
