Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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