paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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